Moving at breakneck speed and only slowing down to sleep. That's how I live my life. Most days I barely even know what took place. I wake up and start running. When a hurdle is put in front of me, I jump and hope like heck I make it over. I wish I was like so many of the other women I encounter: perfect hair, designer clothes, manicured nails and decorated homes. They bake, they sew, they make their own home decor. They're involved in PTA, volunteer at church, organize community events, manage to hold down a job, and maintain an organic garden. They're children make good grades, stay out of trouble, and look like they just stepped out of the American Girl catalog. I'm thoroughly impressed!
It's difficult not to compare myself. I fly by the seat of my pants and I look like it. My hair is a mess, my nails aren't done, my house is in a constant state of renovation, and I wear the same pair of jeans almost every day. My husband assures me that other women aren't perfect, that's only my perception of them. And he tries to convince me that I look great, but I can see the cuticle beds creeping up on my nails. I'm just saying... I know, I know... no one's actually perfect, I just wish I felt a little less sub-par.
I tell myself that I do the best I can. It's not like I don't try. And when things aren't working, I readjust. I don't just keep doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. At least that means I'm not crazy, right? And that's a plus.
I have this ever mounting To-Do List and as soon as I cross one thing off, three things get added to it. It's not that everything is a big deal, but even the tiny things add up. Making phone calls, sending emails, paying bills, eating... And when you add these small things to the big ones, it becomes a bit overwhelming. I have been refinishing the cabinets in my kids' bathroom for nine months. I mean really? Other women would have done all the bathrooms in their house, plus the kitchen in that time frame. For the most part, I do fine as long as I can see progress, but when nothing seems to be getting done, I get all flustered. I suppose I shouldn't be taking the time to write this blog. It's not really helping my cause any, is it?
The crazy thing is, I'm known for being an organizer. I actually enjoy the process of organization, so why do I feel so out of sorts?
I have a great husband and two wonderful kids. We've had a rough couple of years. It's been one hurdle after another and I think it's really taking a toll. I pray we're on the other side of the hurdles, but I'm all scraped up now from the many times I fell down trying to jump over. It'll take some time to heal. (I'll expound upon that later.)
Sometimes when I have an internal struggle, it helps to try and see myself through another's eyes. So I ask myself, "What would I say to someone else who feels like they just can't get it together?"
I suppose I would say, "Who said you have to have everything together? Why do you compare yourself to others? You don't know what issues other people are dealing with. And I assure you, everyone is dealing with something. It's not a contest anyway. As long as you're taking care of the things that really matter, the rest will work itself out. So just be the best you can and forget the rest."
Yeah, you're right self. I feel much better:)
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